Aaaarggghhh....

I recently lamented that there is no escape from Dear Leader's TV coverage... Thanksgiving brings us a PSA wherein The One instructs us to exercise and volunteer our time building playgrounds. Or, something like that.

Dave C. informed me in the comments of that post that even the Food Network isn't safe...

Iron Chef America will open its season premier on January 3 2009 at the White House using fresh produce from Michelle Obama’s garden.

The Food Network show hosted by Alton Brown will feature White House chef Cristeta Comerford paired with Bobby Flay to compete against Mario Batali and Emeril Lagasse.

The “secret” ingredient the chefs must use in their dishes is anything that grows in the White House garden.

Oooh... sounds like a challenge... what delicious dishes will they cook up from Moo-shelle's lead-enhanced garden? (Back in July they found that the garden contained elevated levels of lead. Yum.)

Michelle will also use the opportunity to discuss encouraging children’s healthier eating habits and reducing childhood obesity.

Yay! Another lecture from the First Nag! Maybe, in addition to chastising us for eating french fries, she'll give us helpful tips like "Don't eat lead, kids! It'll make you stoopid!"

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hmmmm.... Thanksgiving is in November, and it's a long, long time til January. Whatever shall we watch? Aren't there *any* other reasons for the First Family of Narcissists to invade our television time?"

Well, never fear, Comrades! Annie Oakley alerts us to the Oprah/Obama Christmas Special!

The queen of daytime will interview the president of the country during an ABC holiday special that brings together Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama.

The network has announced "Christmas at the White House: An Oprah Primetime Special," which includes an interview with the president, a conversation with the First Couple and tour of the White House. The special will also go behind-the-scenes as staffers prepare the White House for the holiday season.

Oh, praise be to Obama! Thank the Heavens! I was worried for a minute that we might have to spend an entire evening watching something that *didn't* involve this douche nozzle and his holiday plans!

Whatever did we watch before November 4, 2008? Stupid shows that did nothing but entertain us and bring us pleasure. Finally, there's something worthwhile on TV... a nonstop barrage of the President and his wife scolding us for our shortcomings. Finally, there's something to watch that, while we may not think it's good, we can be assured that it's good FOR us. The Obamas know best, after all.

But, why bother with all of these silly PSAs and prime-time specials? Why doesn't he just start his own damn 24-hour network and be done with it? It could be all Barack, all the time.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of selling my TV on Craigslist.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Aaaaannnnd... th'th'that's all folks!

'Twas the night CBS news jumped the shark:



Sorry, folks. It's sad, but it's true... "Journalism" is dead.

I feel I must address this topic with Katie personally:

Dear Katie Couric:

You are an idiot. Anyone who still believes you are a serious journalist is also an idiot.

Merry Christmas, Moron.

Sincerely,
Jana

© Jana Ogletree 2009

There's no escape...

I'm thankful that I'll be at work all day on Thanksgiving.

You may, or may not, be wondering, "Why?"

Doesn't matter. Either way, I'm going to tell you.

I'm glad that I will be working all day because I'll be spared the much-touted network television debut of the latest episode from our friends at Hope 'N' Change TV...



Jumpin' Jesus on a handcart! There's just no escape from this guy. The Lecturer-in-Chief won't even give us one lousy day to relax? People can't even take a measly three hours to enjoy a football game ON THANKSGIVING without being hounded about how lazy we are?

Here's the thing. Contrary to what they seem to believe, the Obamas were not elected to be our National Parents. I, for one, am sick of this chain-smoker and his fat-ass wife scolding me 24 hours a day about health and fitness.

Here's the deal... when Barry gives up the Kools, and Moo-chelle stops shoving french fries into her pie-hole, I'll (maybe) give their sanctimonious lectures some thought.

Until then?

Give it a rest, for crying out loud.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - November 19

Thursday! Thunks!




1. If you won a brand new house in a Dream House Giveaway would you move into it, sell it to pay the taxes and make a profit, rent it out or give it to a family member/friend who might need it?

If it was a style that I love, in a cool place where I'd want to live (like, say, a stone cottage on a beautiful lake, with no other houses in sight), I'd move in. If it was a style I don't care for, in a place I don't want to live (like, say, a stark, contemporary house in L.A.), I'd sell it for the money. Then, I'd use the money to buy a stone cottage on a beautiful lake, with no other houses in sight. See how it all works out in the end?

2. Are you good at billiards?

Good lord, no. I have the worst depth perception on the planet, and I don't understand geometry. In pool, that's pretty much the double whammy of fail.

3. Does anyone on the planet really want to see Levi Johnston naked in Playgirl (other than when Bristol Palin did)?

Ugh. If that guy were any more of a dirtbag, Oreck would be trying to buy his patent.

4. Is your phone ringing right now?

No, thank God. The only people who call during the day are telemarketers. And, they call all. day. long.

5. Do you think man has eaten or tried to eat every type of animal on the face of the earth at one point or another? If not, what don't you think man has tried?

My answer to the first question is yes... we humans have had a nibble on any and every thing there is to eat. (It's good to be at the top of the food chain, no?) And, since "yes" answers the first question, the second question is moot.

6. The new movie Avatar has been showing sneak peeks and been hyped to the max. Will you see it?

I'm sure I will... I love that whole sci-fi/fantasy genre. But, I hate to leave my house, so I'll probably wait until I can watch it on cable. There's a very short list of movies I'm willing to see in the theater.

7. If a slightly bigger fish eats a small fish, then a bigger fish immediately eats that one, then an even bigger fish immediately eats that fish and then finally a huge fish eats the one that just ate that fish and it gets caught by you... how many meals will you have from that one fish?

Just one. But, man... it's a doozy!

8. If you had an appointment with the doctor and all the plants in the office were dead, would you still see the doctor?

Yes. I'm sure the doctor's not to blame for the plants. There's probably a service that takes care of the plants... a service that he subscribed to in order to free up his time. (I'd like to think he's using that time to brush up on the latest medical breakthroughs.) But, clearly he needs to hire better help.

9. Have you ever seen the number 666 in a dream?

I see it every time I write my birth date -- */*6/66. Spooky, eh? I'm sure you have a whole new view of me now. (Or, maybe some things just make more sense?)

10. "At 20 years of age the will reigns, at 30 the wit, at 40 the judgment."~ Benjamin Franklin
So what happens at 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100?

You just say, "F*** it."

11. Would you want your phone number to be (area code) 123-4567?

I'd be hard pressed to think of something that would matter less to me.

Tee hee....

Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

Ha ha ha ahahahahaha!!!! The "caps lock incident"... that's classic.

Okay, hands up! Who thought this might be an actual news clip at first?

Given the fact that he's such a buffoon, it's getting really hard to tell the difference between an amusing joke and an embarrassing actual event.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Mystery solved?

Like so many others, I've been wondering why in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks MEshelle insists on wearing those ridiculous (not to mention ugly and unflattering) belts.

It's really quite baffling.








Yesssss..... Baffling.

But! Today I stumbled across what might be the answer to this particular fashion riddle.

Maybe, just maybe, there's a method to her madness.

After all, she's not wearing them *just* to be stylish. (Obviously.)

That's right... I think that sneaky minx is multi-tasking! She's not just accessorizing her assortment of hideous outfits, she's working towards firmer, tighter, sexier abs!



Now, before we start getting all judge-y... we really should cut a sister some slack.

After all, stuffing one's face with taxpayer funded chow 24/7 is gonna catch up with a big-boned gal sooner rather than later.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Frugal Fashion Tips...

Heh.

After they made the draperies, and upholstered the chairs... there was juuuussst enough fabric left over to fashion a skirt for Michelle.

Way to lead by thrifty example, MO! Waste not, want not... right?

And, instead of going out and buying a brand new giganto belt, she's opted to wear that World Wrestling Federation number again.

Reduce, reuse, recycle. That's the name of the game, isn't it?

(She's making it so easy it's almost not fun anymore. Almost.)


© Jana Ogletree 2009

President Submissive

Hey, President Prissy-Pants! Why don't you take a lesson from our doggie friends? Instead of bowing and scraping in front of every foreign dignitary you come across...



Show 'em what a submissive, beta loser you *really* are by rolling over and exposing your soft underbelly.... Your lack of dignity will still be pathetic and humiliating, but maybe you'll get lucky and someone will give you a Milk Bone, or a little scratch behind the ears.

Holy. Freaking. Cow.

I really thought someone would enroll this clownshoe in some presidential protocol classes after that shameful display of subservience to the Saudi thug, but apparently not.

Obviously, I hope and pray (with all my might) that our next president is a Conservative, but it's getting to the point that I'm willing to settle for someone who's not a total fucking embarrassment.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

And Happy Hannukah, too!

Handcuffs will be the hot new accessory for the spring! Maybe Santa will bring you a pair. Or, to be on the safe side and beat the holiday rush, just go ahead and buy some for yourself.

Why? Well, because your Christmas present from Pelosi and friends may include a little "fair" jail time:



You know what? While you're out shopping, you should finish off the ensemble and pick up a scarf that will coordinate with your bright orange jumpsuit.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Merry Christmas?

Better keep the receipt, bitch. We don't want it.



© Jana Ogletree 2009

Veteran's Day tribute...

Man's best friends welcome their soldiers home...





There's more here.

The gales of November...

The Edmund Fitzgerald went down in Lake Superior with all 29 hands on November 10, 1975.

On this anniversary of that fateful voyage, raise a toast to the souls lost 34 years ago... Dewey From Detroit fills us in on the proper procedures:

What we drink around here is similar but we’ve christened it the “Gales of November”. You’ll need an ounce and a half of Gosling’s black run, approximately 5 ounces of Vernor’s ginger ale and ice, if you must. Stir once, pray for the lost souls, and try not to think of the icy depths of Lake Superior on that fateful night.

Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald - The most popular videos are a click away

Man, that song is haunting... I always get a shiver when I hear it.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

The wall comes tumblin' down....

Twenty years ago today, the Berlin wall came down.

Make no mistake... that wall didn't come down because the Soviet Communists suddenly had a change of heart.

That wall came down because Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher stood firm against the evil empire:




God, I miss Reagan.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

What's not clear?

Here are a few facts we've garnered about the murderous animal that killed 13 people last Thursday:

1. He tried to contact members of al Queda.

2. Colleagues were concerned about his habit of claiming he was "Muslim first and American second". (They questioned the sincerity of his oath as an officer of the US Army... The concerns appeared to have been brushed away by superiors, presumably because of political correctness.)

3. People who knew him said he was becoming more radical regarding his disapproval of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

4. He attended the same mosque (at the same time) as 9/11 hijackers.

5. Other members of the mosque describe him as a "typical fundamentalist Muslim" who believed in "a literal, rigid interpretation of Islam".

6. On the morning before he murdered 13 US citizens and injured 30 more, he gave his neighbor a Koran and told her he was "going to do good work for God".

7. He made postings on websites equating suicide bombers to soldiers who throw themselves on grenades to save their comrades. (He thought suicide bombers were serving a "noble cause".)

8. He was disciplined for proselytizing about his Muslim faith with patients and colleagues.

9. He once gave a lecture to other doctors in which he said non-believers should be beheaded and have boiling oil poured down their throats. (He also told colleagues at America's top military hospital that non-Muslims were infidels condemned to hell who should be set on fire.)

10. Soldiers who witnessed the shooting rampage at Fort Hood that left 13 people dead reported that the gunman shouted "Allahu Akbar!" — an Arabic phrase for "God is great!" — before opening fire.


So... why are "officials" still trying to figure out what the scumbag's motive was?

This man is a terrorist.

Let me repeat...I want to make this crystal clear: He. Is. A. Fucking. Terrorist.

And, there are more of them out there, waiting for the right moment to enact their evil plans against the infidels.

To pretend otherwise puts ALL of us in danger.

To illustrate my point of pretending this guy isn't a terrorist, here's an interesting study in contrasts starring Barack Obama, terrorist sympathizer and Douche Nozzle in Chief:



This is the assclown in charge, he worships the god of political correctness and Islamic sensitivity...

We are well and truly fucked, America.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

People are noticing...

I'm not the only one to notice that President Douche Nozzle was completely out of line with his stupid shout outs yesterday when he should have been acting, oh, you know... PRESIDENTIAL.

And, it would be acting. This immature brat has absolutely no idea what being President means. He has no interest in anything other than himself...

Robert George at NBC Chicago points out that Obama can't be counted upon to deliver even the least that would be expected of a US President (emphasis mine):

But instead of a somber chief executive offering reassuring words and expressions of sympathy and compassion, viewers saw a wildly disconnected and inappropriately light president making introductory remarks. At the event, a Tribal Nations Conference hosted by the Department of Interior's Bureau of Indian affairs, the president thanked various staffers and offered a "shout-out" to "Dr. Joe Medicine Crow -- that Congressional Medal of Honor winner." Three minutes in, the president spoke about the shooting, in measured and appropriate terms. Who is advising him?

Anyone at home aware of the major news story of the previous hours had to have been stunned. An incident like this requires a scrapping of the early light banter. The president should apologize for the tone of his remarks, explain what has happened, express sympathy for those slain and appeal for calm and patience until all the facts are in. That's the least that should occur.

Ed Morrisey at Hot Air points out that Bambi makes it about him... just as he always does (again, emphasis mine):

Indeed, he tells the audience above that he’s been inconvenienced out of delivering his lengthier remarks because the shooting has intruded itself on his daily business.
Well, being Commander in Chief is his daily business, not pandering to the Tribal Nations Conference — and he should have started out this little missive with his priorities in order.

Exit question: This was clearly an act of domestic terrorism... Muslim passes out Korans, screams "God is good" in Arabic as he shoots US soldiers, has a history of criticizing US foreign policy in regards to Middle Eastern affairs. Yet we are to believe that all of that is just some weird co-inky-dink... When do we get to call it what it so obviously is? At what point does the reality of the situation trump political correctness?

I only ask because I'm curious to know how much danger we *all* face because the fools "in charge" are so worried about offending someone.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

President Douchebag

A truly horrific event happened today in Texas at the Ft. Hood army base.

11 people were shot and killed; many more were wounded.

Take a look at this video of the Douche Nozzle in Chief, and notice that it takes him a full *two minutes* to get around to mentioning the murder of 11 US citizens -- 10 soldiers and a cop. As a matter of fact, at first he's smiling and blathering about some stupid conference and how well it was organized. Then, he gives a "shout out" to some guy in the audience. Then he blathers for a while about what he's going to do for the Native American population.

Then, he's finally forced to mention the shooting... he furrows his brow and strikes a somber tone. One can only assume it's feigned, considering that just seconds before he was shoutin' out to his homies.



He is a disgrace. He and his classless wife are an embarrassment to this country. They have no sense of the dignity or decorum that should be afforded to the positions they hold.

If there is a God in Heaven, they will not hold them beyond 2012.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - November 5

Thursday! Thunks!






1. Mad Cow disease, Bird Flu, Swine Flu...what barnyard animal will cause the next big outbreak of disease?

Hmmm, rats already had their turn with the plague, so I guess the next batters up are the sheep.

2. Sesame Street turns 40 this month. If you were to be on Sesame Street, which character would you want to be in a scene with?

I'd like to do a cooking segment with Big Bird. I'll bet he'd be delicious in a casserole.

3. We are out shopping for a new laptop. Which one do you pick and why?

I'd probably pass. I don't like the tiny little keyboards on laptops, and I don't like that touch pad thingie. I like to use a good old fashioned mouse and full size keyboard.

4. Have you ever dried a flower in a book (pressing)? If so what was the flower and the name of the book?

I dried some pansies once for a craft project. I probably used a dictionary, because that was the heaviest book in the house.

5. Do you think it's important to study other planets? If so, why or why not?

I certainly think outer space is interesting, but not necessarily important. There's lots of other stuff to spend billions and billions of dollars on... Ha! See what I just did there? Random Carl Sagan reference... I kill me.

6. Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theater? What was the movie, how much was the ticket and why did you walk out?

I do remember walking out of a movie, but I can't remember which one. Why did I walk out? Well, duh... Because it sucked.

7. Does the city/town you live in have traffic enforcement cameras? Have you ever gotten a citation/ticket/fine from one? If so, did you pay or fight it?

Please. I live in Chicagoland. Big Brother is always watching. There are freaking cameras everywhere. And, Stu got a $100(!) ticket once because a camera caught him turning right on red... It wasn't really clear from the signs that you *couldn't* turn right, so the ticket was total bullsh**, but we paid it because fighting it would have been a huge hassle.

8. If your neighbor is having a baby would you buy a baby gift for them?

Depends on a) how well I know them and b) if I like them.

9. How many questions are too many questions?

Why do you ask? Do you think we're reaching the quota?

10. Do you have a handwritten journal you write in everyday?

No. A friend gave me one for my birthday this year, but haven't written in it. Besides, I'm living out loud on the Interwebs... who needs that old-timey handwriting junk?

11. Have you already made plans for 2010?

Lord, no. Getting through the rest of the week is challenging enough...

12. Thursday Thunks has a huge party for all those who play along each week. Where is the party, how long does it last and does Kimber fall off the roof dropping crayons? If so, what color of crayon does she fall on?

The party's on the patio, it lasts until it's over, and the roof is on fire. And, as for those crayons? Word on the street has it that Kimber has the blue crayon blues.

13. We may have "blogger celebrity" questions in the near future. Are you excited?

I have no idea what that means.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

The next Jackie O strikes again....

We all know that Barry plays basketball and golf... but did you know that Mean-Shelle is a first class wrestler?

At least, I assume she is, since she's sportin' some kind of championship belt.




Way to go, MO!! Get those girls interested in sports! It'll boost their confidence and teach them the importance of healthy competition!

Plus, if they work really, really hard and excel at their chosen activity... they'll have a hella stylin' accessory! Not only will it symbolize athletic excellence, they can it use to hitch up their boobs! Bonus!



Now, I don't know *why* anyone would use a giganto belt to hitch up their boobs, but I'm not a fashion icon like the First Sasquatch... so who am I to judge?





© Jana Ogletree