Thursday Thunks - October 1

Thursday! Thunks!






1. What color is your mouthwash?

Purple. And it kind of freaks me out because it tastes minty, and purple stuff isn't usually mint flavored... purple stuff is usually grape flavored. Not that I'd want grape mouthwash, but still... Society has rules, people!

2. Do you remember your first phone number? Have you called it recently?

I do remember it (although I can barely remember my current phone number... thanks, wine!), and no, I haven't called it. Why would I? I already know I'm not there.

3. BPD in OKC's question- Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what's in it?

I'm not telling you about my super-secret anything without dinner and a movie first... let alone what's in it. Sheesh! What kind of girl do you think I am?!

4. When was the last time you used a pay phone? How much did it cost to make the call?

I haven't used a pay phone in years, but there was one in the restaurant where I currently work when I first started there six years ago. I think it was 25¢, but I wouldn't swear to it. They pulled it out after a couple of months... probably because no one ever used it.

5. What was that noise?

That damn neighbor dog is barking again. Shut up, Zippy!

6. Stef H's question- how long is a woodpecker's pecker?

I don't know. Ask Mrs. Woodpecker... she seems pretty happy.

7. How many comments did you receive on your last Thursday's Thunk?

Not very many, I'm afraid... I usually get more when I post my Thunks on Wednesday night, but I didn't post last week's until late on Thursday afternoon. I guess I missed the rush.

That's it! A short Thunks this time around... see you next week!


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Relax, everybody!

Everything's just peachy-keen here in the U. S. of A... Obama's taken care of everything!

Let's do a little check list of the issues facing our nation today (in no particular order):

War on terror? Finished.

Health care questions? Answered.

Cap & Trade debate? Over.

Economy? Fixed.

Takeover of the Auto industry? Check.

Iran seeking nukes? They've been put "on notice".

Honduras? US officials have made their statements.

So, there you have it. Clearly, there's nothing left for Barry to do here. I mean, if he thought we still had problems here, do you think he would take the time to jet off for yet another useless trip across the pond at taxpayer expense? He's going to Denmark to make a personal appeal to the IOC to grant the Olympics to Chicago.

I'm sorry... What? What do you mean, you don't think the aforementioned issues are solved? Oh, what the heck do you know about running the country? You're just a lowly taxpayer... Where are your priorities, people?

Don't you know that Bambi's buddies want the Olympics in Chicago?! Why, they are practically orgasmic at the thought of all those millions of dollars of graft money that will be up for grabs. They're already planning how to get their grubby paws on that cash and process it through their corrupt machine.

Come on, now... Silly rabbit... do you really expect Barry to hang around in dull ol' DC and do his job if there is a chance he can help his cronies line their pockets?

Of course, he's not going to pass up the chance to be in the international spotlight.

After all, preening his feathers and feeding that insatiable ego of his is what he's best at.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Children of the Damned....The Sequel!

Ugh. Just ugh.



Seriously, kids.

STOP. IT.

YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT!



© Jana Ogletree 2009

Children of the Damned....

A lot of conservatives suspect that public school teachers might be indoctrinating a captive audience school children...

What makes them think that?

Ummmm... maybe this little video will help explain it. All praise Dear Leader!



Okay kids... Knock it off, now... Seriously... You're creepin' me out...

Aaaannndddd... are you wondering what becomes these adorable little cherubs after they graduate from their public indoctrination units high schools?

Why, they go to Berkeley!! Where else?



Great God Almighty.

I weep for the future.

P.S. I totally swiped the HellKids video from Nice Deb.



© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - September 24

Thursday! Thunks!







1. Does soap or shampoo have to really lather up for you to feel that it cleaned thoroughly?

It's not necessary, but a nice foamy lather does give the impression of better performance.

2. Do you have a long standing joke with someone that you still laugh about every time you talk to that person?

Yes... I started writing an explanation of the joke, but it was sounding pretty lame, so I gave up. I guess you really did have to be there.

3. Share something that happened to you this past week that was unusual.

Punt. I can't think of anything right off the top of my head.

4. If you dropped a purple crayon and a green crayon off a roof, which would melt faster in the sun?

Have you been drinking?

5. You are standing in line (grocery store, bank, etc.), and someone gets in line behind you that stinks. The stink is so bad that people in line in front of you turn around and look to see if you are the one causing the stink. Do you cover your nose, hold your breath, breathe through your mouth or just get out of line altogether?

I'd just get out of line... standing in a stupid line is bad enough, adding a big bunch stink into the mix would just be piling on.

6. If you dropped your cell phone in the toilet, would you fish it out? If so, how much soap would you use to wash your hands afterwards?

I'd never in a million years have my phone anywhere near a toilet -- Seriously, how rude is it to talk to someone while you're in the bathroom?? But, for the sake of the thunks I'll play along... I'd have to fish it out... I have no idea what anyone's phone number is, so I *need* that SIM card.

7. Sydney Australia dust storm. How long do you think it would take you to clean your house after that sort of dust storm?

Judging from the layer of dust that's covering my house right now, I think one of those dust storms has already come through.

8. Do you think you can dance?

I do a heckuva Hokey Pokey. *That's* what it's all about.

9. You are out to eat and someone across the room is staring at you. Do you get paranoid, try to ignore them, or go find out why they are staring at you?

I would stare back at them, with one eyebrow raised, until they have been shamed enough to stop.

10. Come up with a crazy, wacky Thursday Thunk question.

Damn... I can't think of one right now.. So, for the second time this week, I have to punt again. It's not crazy or wacky... but... a question that comes up fairly often is... "What's for dinner?"

That's it... see you next week!


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Good gravy!

I can't believe I haven't posted for so long! I've been working extra shifts the past couple of weeks, so I've (unfortunately) neglected this blog.

I've been a bad, bad, bad dog!

So, since the name of this blog is Speak, Dog!.... I guess it's time to get to speakin'!

I'm so glad that we have leaders in the White House who care about us. Leaders who know how we should live our lives. Leaders who know what's best for us, since we obviously can't figure it out for ourselves.

According to Political Punch, Barry & Sasquatch did a few magazine interviews this month.

The first couple are out in full force on the glossy pages of health magazines promoting good health -- from eating right to exercising.

Oh, Boy! Please! Do tell us your ideas for whipping us into shape, Barry! For example, give us a good reason to impose a "sin tax" on soda...

“There’s no doubt that our kids drink way too much soda. And every study that’s been done about obesity shows that there is as high a correlation between increased soda consumption and obesity as just about anything else. Obviously it’s not the only factor, but it is a major factor.”

So, all you parents out there? You suck. President Nanny-Pants knows better than you.

I'd love to talk more about Bambi's health lecture, but he wants to go smoke a butt right now, so he's going to turn the nagging over to Me-shelle instead...

“French fries are my favorite food in the whole world. If I could, I’d eat them at every meal -- but I can’t,” Mrs. Obama says, “My whole thing is moderation."

Um. Okay. Moderation? Since that's the game we're playing, I won't mention all of the news articles written about Michelle's cheeseburger runs, dinner dates in Paris and New York (complete with multiple martinis!), flying in a pizza chef from St. Louis, etc...

Here's the howler (emphasis added by me):

"If I start ignoring both [exercise and balanced eating], I will put on weight. I am fortunate in that I’m five-eleven, so it takes a while for the weight to be seen, but it’ll come! It’s just distributed more."

Hee hee hee! Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho!!

Riiiiight...

Okay, Michelle. You can pretend that it's "distributed more"... Whatever gets you through the night, sister. After all, who am I to point out the obvious?

But, back to the lecture. What. about. the. children?

Weight issues, the first lady says, had also been a problem issue for one of her daughters, until a pediatrician alerted her that she may need to change her family’s diet.

“I hadn’t even noticed,” Mrs. Obama says. “She was cute. Just a little brown kid; seemed fine.

Um. Huh? Little *brown* kid? Brown? What the Hell?!

Whatever.

Back to the health and wellness class... Here's a whopper for ya:

“I’m the mom, so I monitor -- I am with the kids every single meal."

Every single meal? Ummm, I don't think so.

Perhaps Me-shelle has forgotten about all of the aforementioned "date nights" that have been so breathlessly reported in excruciating detail. And those details did not include children. Which is fine... all parents deserve some grown-up time, but to claim that she's with them every single meal is just ridiculous. Why would she even make such a ludicrous claim?

Here's the sum total takeaway of the Obama sermon: All of us out here in flyover-land need to stop drinking soda, eating french fries and enjoying our lives. Meanwhile, Barry will keep right on smoking and Sasquatch will make a concentrated effort to chow down on every single one of the finest delicacies that taxpayer money can buy, and someone (I'm guessing Grandma) will continue to make sure the kids get fed.

In other words, "Do as we say, not as we do."

Hmmmm, editing this post makes me realize just how snarky I can be.

Damn. It's good to be back.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - September 17

Thursday! Thunks!







1. My daughter (aka Demon #1) informed me the other day that her hugs were worth a million dollars. Would you give up hugs - giving and receiving - for the rest of your life, for a million dollars?

Probably not... I'm not really a "hugger" (I really, really, really hate it when people I hardly know hug me), but there are a few people I'm rather fond of hugging.

2.Have you ever been bitten by a member of the canine family?

Groo's bitten me, but not on purpose... he was doing his "Jaws" impersonation while I was giving him a treat.

3. What is your favorite color of jeans?

Blue. I'm a purist.

4. What is something that has changed in public schools that you wish was the norm when you were in school?

Since I don't have kids, I'm not really up on the current state of public schools. But, judging from what I hear from parents that I work with, schools these days pretty much suck. I went to a great junior high and high school, apparently. We could leave campus for lunch, there were soda and candy machines, we didn't have to go through metal detectors, we went on lots of field trips... Seems like we had it pretty good compared to these days.

5. What is your news source?

Internet & cable... I haven't watched a local news show or read a newspaper in ages.

6. What sort of people do you think read your blog?

Super awesome cool ones.

7. If I told you that I had a headache, you would say..........???

Do you want me to get you some Advil?

8. You go to a buffet style restaurant, what is the first food you put on your plate?

Mmmmm... Indian buffet... Let's see, I go for the fried fish, ground lamb and tandoori chicken first, since all of those are at the beginning of the buffet. Then I scoop up a sample of all of the other deliciousness that is offered, finishing up with the samosas, which are always at the end of the line-up. Damn it! Now I'm hungry.

9. If you were stranded on a desert island.... no, we aren't asking that again. Lets put a twist into this. Would you volunteer to be dropped off on a desert island, to be picked up in a month? And you don't get to bring those 3 items, either.

Why would I do that? Is there some kind of monetary compensation? I'm not really an outdoors kind of girl...

10. When the sun sets, what are you usually doing?

In the summer, I like to hang out on the deck, trying to enjoy the nice weather for as long as possible... today, however, I was answering Thursday Thunks questions.

That's it, thanks for playing... see you next week!

Monday Musical Moment...

Love this video... it's got it all -- Willie Nelson, catchy tune, interesting story, happy ending...

So, without further ado...

Let's raise up our glasses against evil forces.. Whiskey for my men & beer for my horses!

Beer For My horses


Happy Monday.

Happy Birthday to a legend...

September 12, 1931 -- Happy Birthday, George Jones!

His first #1 hit in 1959 was White Lightnin' (this video is from the Grand Ol' Opry in 1962.) Dig that rockabilly guitar...



He lived hard and gained the nickname of "No Show Jones"...

But, he made it through all that, and here he is telling us about it, circa 2000:



Thank you, Possum, for 50 years of great music.

Which leads us to the question... Who's gonna fill YOUR shoes?



Damn, that song makes me wanna cry...


© Jana Ogletree 2009

September 11

May we never forget that thousands of innocent Americans were murdered on this day.

Thursday Thunks - September 10

Thursday! Thunks!







1. A 90 year old man's dying wish in South Carolina was to be buried in his car. If you were told tomorrow you have 3 weeks to live, would you have any dying wishes or something special done before you died?

Something special done? Let's see... I guess first and foremost, I'd make sure that someone would take care of my dogs. Oh, and at the funeral, play "Spirit in the Sky"... the Norman Greenbaum version, not some lame cover. No open casket... it's creepy... Instead, put up a gorgeous photo of me taken back in the day when I was young and hot. And I want to be cremated. And spread my ashes out over my hostas and daylilies, or a botanic garden or something. I guess that's it.

2. Do you pay for more stuff using a credit/debit card or cold hard cash?

Oddly enough... even though I get paid in cash, I deposit it all and pay with a debit card. I rarely have more than $10 in cash.

3. What's cuter- a baby lizard or a baby snake?

4. You go out to eat by yourself at a restaurant. While waiting for your food do you people watch & eavesdrop on others conversations, read a book, use a laptop or chat with people around you?

Personally, I'd read a book. I'm not interested in other people (or their conversations), I don't have a laptop, and I can't imagine "chatting" with strangers. And? God help any loser who's trying to chat me up while I'm eating my lunch... Can you tell that I'm not a "people person"?

5. If you see someone walking around with toilet paper stuck to their shoe, do you tell them or just laugh?

I'd tell them... hopefully karma would be kind enough to have others do the same for me.

6. You are talking to someone you just met but you can't understand them at all because of their accent. Do you tell them you can't understand them or just smile and nod?

Neither. I'd probably annoy them to death asking them to repeat what they're saying over and over. I am the worst when it comes to accents... I don't know why. Please be patient with me, foreign people! I swear to you, I'm trying!!!

7. Mudfest! Park filled with pools of mud and an obstacle course of mud. Do you go and play in the mud?

No.

8. Have you ever had a headache so bad it effected your vision?

Yes. I used to frequently be plagued with horrific headaches... acupuncture to the rescue!

9. Would you fit in more with the circus, Hollywood, Broadway, or comedy circuit types?

Probably none of them. I'm a weirdo, and I'm a loner... hence, not a lot of groups fighting for my company.

That's it folks! See you next week...

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Just the facts, Ma'am...

The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.



Swiped from Pamibe.

Trivia note: Jack Webb never said "Just the facts, Ma'am" on Dragnet. The closest he came was "We just want the facts, Ma'am." or "All we know are the facts, Ma'am." Things got garbled up over the years, due to a spoof by satirist Stan Freberg.

Isn't that fascinating? I'm chock full of that type of useless information. It makes me fun at parties.

I hope.

© Jana Ogletree

Thursday Thunks - September 3

Thursday! Thunks!







1. Your thoughts on truck drivers?

My thoughts (in order): "What the Hell?" "They drive trucks." "My dad was a truck driver." "Why would I have thoughts on truck drivers? Do truck drivers have their own category requiring separate thoughts?"

2. Did you hear Michelle Duggar is pregnant for the 15th time? (but that will be kid #19 if you lost count....)

Who the f*** is Michelle Duggar? Fifteen pregnancies? Is that even possible? Is she a human?

3. Have you ever done something to hurt someone intentionally... just for the sole purpose of hurting them because you thought they deserved it? Maybe a paybacks a bitch sort of thing?

I'm pleading the 5th on this one...

4. Is there anyone in your life that when you go to their place of residence, you just walk in without bother knocking? Does anyone just walk into your house without knocking?

No. And... Hell, no.

5. Whats in the trunk of your car? Do you even have a clue?

I drive a Jeep, so I don't have a trunk, but in the cargo area I have a 22-lb sack of dog food that I need to bring in, and a stash of aprons.

6. When you go to a family holiday get together (such as Christmas or Thanksgiving), about how many people are there?

I don't "do" holidays... so I don't really have an answer for that.

7. What is in your kitchen sink right at this very moment?

A stack of dishes. Don't you judge me!

8. You go to a store to buy an expensive item... say $150. You pick up that item and a couple other this n' thats. You get to the register and the expensive item rings up at $40. The cashier doesn't seem to notice and tells you your total. Do you go with what they say and pay it or do you question the price difference? You know you would question it if your $40 item rang up at $150....

That's actually happened to me, and yes... I did question it. Turns out it was on clearance, but it hadn't been labeled yet. Score!

9. Do you fold your underwear or do you just toss it in a drawer?

I fold it... first into thirds, then half. But don't be fooled, the rest of my clothes are a tangled mess in the closet.

10. There is a Harley-Davidson giveaway. Chances are $100 and they are only selling 250 tickets. Do you buy one?

No. Because I don't have $100 and I don't want a Harley.

11. Who is your favorite Disney character?

12. It's September - most of the weekly sitcoms/dramas are starting new seasons again. Which one are you most looking forward to?

I'm always a season behind because I watch everything on DVD... but I'm excited to start Season 2 of Mad Men. Just have to finish Season 2 of Pushing Daisies first....

13. You are at a grocery store and are on your way out to your car with your cart full of grocery bags. On your way to your car you see a black kitten in an empty cart. What do you do?

Nothing. I hate cats.

14. Is there anything that you do for a hobby that you are asked to do for friends/family that most people would hire a professional to do? (example: cake decorating, fixing cars....)

Not really... I helped a friend reupholster some chairs once.

15. Are we there yet?

Almost.

That's it! See you next week!

BUMPED! -- A picture worth 14.2 trillion words...

I originally posted this last week, but it got lost behind my tearful tribute to Uncle Teddy.

So, I'm giving it the bump, baybeeee. Yep, I'm bumpin' this post like it's Michelle's big melon trying to fit through an airplane door.

Because it's just that important...

Remember during the campaign when Democrats (and most especially The One) were all boo-hooing about the deficit? About the horrible amount of debt that the evil President Booooosh had accumulated?

Apparently, that debt and deficit don't pose any problems for them anymore. They're spending money like drunken sailors and lovin' it! And they show no signs of stopping! They will be more than happy to add in any other entitlement program you, they, or anyone else can dream up.

Everyone's been tossing around the words "billions" and "trillions" so much lately, they're starting to lose their meaning. Which means we're kind of tuning out how big our economic problems really are.

Here's a graphic that illustrates what those big, incomprehensible numbers mean.

More at The Heritage Foundation (emphasis mine):

The White House brags that it will cut the deficit in half by 2013. The President does not mention that the deficit has nearly quadrupled this year. Merely cutting it in half from that bloated level would still leave budget deficits twice as high as under President Bush. Furthermore, three upcoming developments–the end of the recession, the troop pullout in Iraq, and the phase-out of the supposedly temporary “stimulus” spending–would, by themselves, cut the budget deficit in half.

(snip)

President Obama has proposed massive tax increases that still cannot keep up with the historic spending increases he has proposed. The result will be highest level of spending–and debt–in American history. Within a decade, Washington would have to spend nearly $800 billion annually just to pay the interest on the national debt.

Whoa, Nelly!

Now, I'm no economist or anything, but that sounds to me like some pretty big money problems right there.

And, since no one in his magical circle seems to be giving the Clownshoe in Chief any reasonable advice, I guess it's up to me. Sigh.

Hey, Zero!

If you're facing that kind of deficit spending, and that kind of debt... and there's no way to pay for it all? It's probably best to cancel that order for more unicorns and skittles, at least until you maroons get things under control.

Sincerely,
Jana

(Full disclosure: I totally swiped the graphic and the text from the Heritage Foundation from Nice Deb.)

© Jana Ogletree 2009