Aaaarggghhh....

I recently lamented that there is no escape from Dear Leader's TV coverage... Thanksgiving brings us a PSA wherein The One instructs us to exercise and volunteer our time building playgrounds. Or, something like that.

Dave C. informed me in the comments of that post that even the Food Network isn't safe...

Iron Chef America will open its season premier on January 3 2009 at the White House using fresh produce from Michelle Obama’s garden.

The Food Network show hosted by Alton Brown will feature White House chef Cristeta Comerford paired with Bobby Flay to compete against Mario Batali and Emeril Lagasse.

The “secret” ingredient the chefs must use in their dishes is anything that grows in the White House garden.

Oooh... sounds like a challenge... what delicious dishes will they cook up from Moo-shelle's lead-enhanced garden? (Back in July they found that the garden contained elevated levels of lead. Yum.)

Michelle will also use the opportunity to discuss encouraging children’s healthier eating habits and reducing childhood obesity.

Yay! Another lecture from the First Nag! Maybe, in addition to chastising us for eating french fries, she'll give us helpful tips like "Don't eat lead, kids! It'll make you stoopid!"

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hmmmm.... Thanksgiving is in November, and it's a long, long time til January. Whatever shall we watch? Aren't there *any* other reasons for the First Family of Narcissists to invade our television time?"

Well, never fear, Comrades! Annie Oakley alerts us to the Oprah/Obama Christmas Special!

The queen of daytime will interview the president of the country during an ABC holiday special that brings together Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama.

The network has announced "Christmas at the White House: An Oprah Primetime Special," which includes an interview with the president, a conversation with the First Couple and tour of the White House. The special will also go behind-the-scenes as staffers prepare the White House for the holiday season.

Oh, praise be to Obama! Thank the Heavens! I was worried for a minute that we might have to spend an entire evening watching something that *didn't* involve this douche nozzle and his holiday plans!

Whatever did we watch before November 4, 2008? Stupid shows that did nothing but entertain us and bring us pleasure. Finally, there's something worthwhile on TV... a nonstop barrage of the President and his wife scolding us for our shortcomings. Finally, there's something to watch that, while we may not think it's good, we can be assured that it's good FOR us. The Obamas know best, after all.

But, why bother with all of these silly PSAs and prime-time specials? Why doesn't he just start his own damn 24-hour network and be done with it? It could be all Barack, all the time.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of selling my TV on Craigslist.


© Jana Ogletree 2009